in times like this, i'm so thankful that i didn't tell everybody about my blog, and that i hardly update and so, no one would know and would be reading this new post because people would assume it's still the old post!

however, i'm still going to keep the person i'm writing about unknown for privacy sake.

i was walking home from work today and it felt unusually strange. this feeling inside me, the heart that aches, the tears that fall from my eyes all because of one mistake that i did yesterday.
people make mistakes, sure they do, but i made an awfully big one yesterday that would just be a lesson to be learnt in the future.
if i had a chance to turn back the clock, the one thing i would do yesterday was to stay at home and not do my mystery shopping. the one thing i would wish for before i was born was to not have such mood swings during my period. the one thing i would do in the future, is to keep myself in check.

however, that is not going to happen, that will never happen, i would  not be granted this one wish that would make my life much easier right now.
sure, i will cry and my heart will ache because of my mistake yesterday. i would be lying if i said i won't cry, i would by lying if i said i won't be sad. i will cry until i feel all dry and then i would curl up in a ball and wish the entire world will fade.
i once said when i was young, i wouldn't waste tears on someone, i wouldn't waste any effort. it was definately easier said than done. i definately didn't anticipate the pain i would feel like how i do today. now, i tell myself, i wouldn't die for someone. ahaha. let's hope it's just as easy to be said and done. haha.

i should have seen this coming, i should have known, i mean we have been talking about this for like what, 3 months straight? why didn't i prepare myself? you told me that it won't be so abrupt, you told me you wouldn't hurt me. haha. maybe partly i feel guilty because i was the catalyst of this entire thing. i said it first, and you just happen to agree and then, BAM, it's over. of course it will hurt, because this is definately the first time i've ever been into something for so long. i mean 2 years just gone and wasted like that.
to quote from someone "i wasted two of my best years on you?!"

but no worries, i won't say that to you because i felt that it was a worth 2 years spent together. fond memories will be left behind after you leave.
"people come and go, stores move and surroundings change, but only those who love you dearly and those that cherish you will remain" 
at least i still have people in my life who still loves me. at least i still know i have an entire life ahead of me to choose.
i don't see myself growing old alone. well, worst come to worst, i'll just cohabit with my bestie and her husband, accompanying her children and be their nanny. ahaha! maybe they will chase me out. who knows :D
but at least it's still some where. (:
i thank GOD for bringing you to me, i thank GOD for your help, your friendship.
right now, i'll just pray for your salvation.

"we'll be good friends" was what you said to me. of course we will, of course would have many secrets together but i'll never tell them to anyone, i hope you won't too. at least i'll cling onto that last hope that you won't ever tell anyone.
but i won't tell you anymore of my secrets, it would go from personal to more superficial. that is, until i regain my trust again in you.
i never expected this day to come. sure i have said many wrong words, sure i have chose all the wrong choice of words. i was never good in the English Language, i thought you knew.

i am direct, i say what's on my mind, i don't like hiding things from my friends. some people like it, most people don't. only those who know me the best will know what i'm trying to say, what i really mean and how to communicate effectively with me.

you say our 7 year plan will continue. i hope by then, we won't become distant friends;friends along corridors that say hi and bye. i hope by then, we would still keep in touch and i hope by then, i won't be hurt.

sure, i keep saying that i would be fine, i keep saying that everything will work out fine. however, i just want you to know that maybe this is the best for both of us and that this entire chapter has come to a close. i may never see you again, i may still talk to you because i still message, but i just want to wish you all the best in your life. i wish you all the best in your future endeavours.

i just want to thank you again for your lasting impressions on me. i thank you for being my main character in my closing chapter.
one day i hope that when i look back at this, we would both laugh.
thank you and good bye. i will always love you and i know you would too in your own way. <3

"you were there when i needed you, i hope i was when you needed some."